Day 1 - Making the commitment

Wow, the decision of losing weight; how to go about it, which program to choose.  Tonight I chose a program, Nutrisystem, which I have been successful on before but did not stick to when life got in the way.  For anyone who knows me or has known me for a long time, I have always struggled with my weight since childhood.  I was made fun of and belittled as a child that went onto bulimia in high school.  The bulimia has left me with a lifetime of medical issues as I destroyed my body and mind both physically and mentally in my quest to thin, be "pretty" and be accepted.

I'm hoping this blog will keep me on track, help me understand my eating issues and maybe make some friends along the way, as I know that no matter how much weight we need to lose, my 100+ pounds to lose is just as hard as your 20+ pounds.  Who knows, we all may just discover something wonderful about ourselves in the process.

I am not ready to post a before picture, but I will take one and post when I am mentally ready.  I think enough is said by stating that I have more than 100 pounds to lose.

The most successful I ever was at losing weight was on Jenny Craig where I lost 85 pounds.  I still lived at home and had little bills to worry about as my biggest expense was my car payment.  I saved for a house with my then boyfriend, now ex-husband.  We moved in together, and the combination of living with my boyfriend and hitting a plateau in my weight loss began a terrible cycle.  I slowly began putting back on my weight.  5 pounds here, 10 pounds there, until before I knew it I had put back on 45 to 50 pounds.  I was very comfortable and not worried as I had life figured out.  I was getting married and had a man, so who cared.  If I could only go back and tell that naive girl to stop and think..........I see now that it was my weight loss that I jeopardized and lost the battle to.  I fell back into all of my old habits.  Then, slowly, I began years of yo-yo dieting and periods of not caring at all.  I am now the heaviest I have ever been.  I am sad and ashamed.

It is now time to get back up on the horse and make this work.  I am going to succeed!  This is going to work this time.  I can do this.  I hope some people will follow my blog and offer commentary, help keep me accountable and who knows, maybe this will inspire someone else to take back control of their life.  I am not addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I truly believe that I use food in the same manner as addicts use alcohol or drugs.  It is time.  Today is the day.  Today, I start a new journey.  I will do this.